


the roses get a cat

by patricksdavid



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Queer Relationship, David is a cat person you can't change my mind, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Married Couple, Not Beta Read, Pet fic, Post-Canon, Set After Season 6, also there's some background stevie/alexis for the wlw, also x2 ted isn't in this fic so they have to go to dr. miguel's vet clinic instead, listen gays i fucking hate tags idk what this is i just love these idiots and david loves cats ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:09:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23113723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patricksdavid/pseuds/patricksdavid
Summary: “Do you secretly like cats?” Patrick asks after a few moments of David petting the cat.David tries to shake his head, but Patrick is looking at him so fondly that he just ends up twisting his smile to the side again and settling on the truth. “Okay, yes, while I generally prefer cats to dogs, there’s nothing we can do about it.” David stands back to his full height and the cat sits at his feet, leaning slightly on David’s leg.Patrick cocks his head again as his far too large and expressive eyes bore into David’s very soul. “Why not? If you like cats, and this cat obviously loves you, then why don’t we just take him home?”ORDavid and Patrick find a cat behind Rose Apothecary and David (not so) secretly loves it.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd/Alexis Rose
Comments: 18
Kudos: 154





	the roses get a cat

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was brought to you by me being gone from my cat for a solid 36 hours, missing her immensely, and thinking "fuck it, what if David and Patrick got a cat," so without further ado, here's a little over 4k words of David Rose being a cat person. Also, a quick thank you to my pals who offered name suggestions, to Emma for reading over it after I wrote it, and to my cat just because she fucking rocks.

“Hey David, can you come here for a sec,” Patrick calls from behind the Apothecary. He’s just supposed to be taking the trash out, and David considers picking up a stick to protect his husband from whatever might be distracting him from the simple task. David grabs a stick by the back door and enters the alleyway, ready to fight whatever is keeping his husband from taking out the trash. He doesn’t need to use it, as he comes into the alley and sees Patrick couching down near the trash cans. He’s sticking his hand out as if he’s reaching for something.

“What are you doing?” David asks tentatively, coming over to stand near Patrick.

Patrick glances at the stick in David’s hand and his head tilts to the side. “Why do you have a stick?”

“I don’t know! You just called for me from an alley when you’re just supposed to be taking out the trash. I thought maybe I’d have to fight somebody.”

Patrick’s eyes soften and he flashes David a big smile. “So you came out here with a stick in case you had to fight someone away? As much as I would love to see that, it’s completely unnecessary. Come, look, there’s a cat or something back here.”

David instinctively steps back. “Yeah, no, this is a custom made Alexander McQueen knit. I’m not letting some dirty alley cat anywhere near this.”

Patrick just smiles back at David. “Okay, babe, but he looks so scared. Can you grab some milk from the store or something?

“Actually, cats really shouldn’t drink milk. Most of them are lactose intolerant. I can get some water for it though?”

“Yeah, okay we can try that.”

David goes back into the store, dropping the stick off by the door and getting a small bowl from the back that he fills with water from the sink in the bathroom. By the time he makes it back to the alley, Patrick is still crouched in the same spot just looking at the cat. David hands Patrick the bowl and gets his first glimpse at the cat.

“What the fuck is that?!” David recoils and hides behind Patrick.

“It looks like one of those hairless cats I think,” Patrick replies calmly as he holds the water out towards the cat.

“It looks like a rat,” David says, but he gets another look, and okay, yeah it’s kind of cute. It’s small, no bigger than a loaf of bread, with soft pink skin and large blue eyes.

Patrick sets the bowl down near the cat, but it stays where it is. He sighs and stands up. “He just keeps sitting there and staring at me but he won’t move.”

“Well, we gave him some water and there’s not much more we can do, especially if he won’t move,” David rubs Patrick’s shoulders while he speaks and Patrick leans into the calming touch.

“I know I just hate to think of him stuck out here by himself all night,” Patrick pouts.

“He’ll be fine. Come on, let’s finish cleaning so we can go home,” David says as he turns Patrick back to the store.

Patrick nods his head and looks back towards the cat. “Wait, where did he go?”

“What?” David turns towards where the cat once was but sees nothing. He feels something rub against his legs and he muffles a yelp. “Oh my God, Patrick, I think I found him.”

Patrick looks from where the cat once was to David’s face before following his gaze down to his legs where the cat is nuzzling happily. Patrick tries to lean down and reach out for the cat, but it cowers behind David’s legs and lets out a sad meow. Patrick pauses. “I don’t think he likes me much, but he seems to like you. Can’t blame him there. He has excellent taste.”

David tips his head back and pushes his smile to the side of his face as he lets Patrick’s words wash over him. Even after two years of marriage and nearly five years together, David still doesn’t know how Patrick can just say whatever charming thing that pops into his mind. After a moment, he looks down at the cat again. David’s always secretly loved cats, but the hair would get on his sweaters. But this cat doesn’t have any hair. He crouches down slowly and scratches the cat behind his ears. The cat purrs loudly and leans into the touch and David tries his hardest to suppress the giggle trying to escape.

“Do you secretly like cats?” Patrick asks after a few moments of David petting the cat.

David tries to shake his head, but Patrick is looking at him so fondly that he just ends up twisting his smile to the side again and settling on the truth. “Okay, yes, while I generally prefer cats to dogs, there’s nothing we can do about it.” David stands back to his full height and the cat sits at his feet, leaning slightly on David’s leg.

Patrick cocks his head again as his far too large and expressive eyes bore into David’s very soul. “Why not? If you like cats, and this cat obviously loves you, then why don’t we just take him home?”

David rolls his eyes fondly at his adorable husband. “Well one, you’re allergic, and two, we don’t know if it’s a stray or not. We can’t just steal someone else’s cat, Patrick. And three, think about my knits. What if he gets mad at me and takes it out on my sweaters?”

“I’m not allergic to cats. Why would you think that? Also, I don’t see a collar, but you’re right that it could be someone else’s. What if we drop him off at Miguel’s tomorrow if he’s still around.”

“What do you mean you’re not allergic to cats? When you first came to the store, Alexis was wrapping that cat hair scarf around your neck and you said you were allergic.”

Understanding dawns on Patrick’s face and his cheeks turn a light pink. “Oh, yeah. I um, didn’t want you to think I was there to flirt with Alexis? She was really close and I thought that if I didn’t say anything then she would keep flirting with me.”

“She still kept flirting with you though. And I ended the contract with that vendor once we sold them all because I didn’t want you to go into anaphylactic shock or something!”

“I didn’t know how persistent she would be. But that’s beside the point. I’m not allergic and your knits will be fine; we just won’t let him in the closet. But yeah, I guess we can wait and see if he’s still around tomorrow before we do anything about it.”

David nods and tries to move slowly away from the cat at his feet but it meows softly and burrows closer to David while shaking slightly. “Paaatttrrriick, he won’t go,” David whines.

Patrick leans down but the cat meows louder and bares his teeth. “Okay, David, he doesn’t like me so why don’t you try picking him up? We can bring him home tonight and start putting up found posters tomorrow.”

“But my sweater,” David pouts.

Patrick holds up a finger and disappears back into the Apothecary and David leans back down to scratch the cat under his chin. “Okay little guy,” he whispers to the cat. “So if I’m gonna pick you up, I just want you to be aware that this sweater is really expensive and I really don’t want you to scratch a hole through it. Also, you don’t seem to like Patrick much, but that’s okay because I thought he was very snippy at first, but it turns out that he thought he was flirting, so he really has the best intentions at heart. I mean, he married my disaster ass so he’s pretty good, okay?”

“I didn’t just marry your ass, David. I married all of you,” Patrick suddenly says from the doorway.

David rolls his eyes but turns to face his husband. “Okay, I thought you were getting something to protect my sweater?”

Patrick pulls an undershirt from behind his back and holds it out to David with a wide grin. “I thought you could just take the sweater off,” he says with a shrug. “And I didn’t know if you wanted to risk your own undershirt, so I found this older one of mine.”

David glares at Patrick for two seconds before he gives in. “Fine, but I’m putting yours on over mine because I don’t trust where this cat has been.”

“Okay, David,” Patrick says as he watches David look around before quickly pulling his sweater over his head, handing it to Patrick, accepting the undershirt, and slipping it over his own. Patrick folds the sweater neatly as David leans down and picks up the small hairless cat.

David stands to his full height and holds the cat close to him. “Hey little guy,” he says softly before holding the cat from his body. “Or gal, it seems. We’re gonna take you home for the night, is that okay?” The cat snuggles closer to David and almost instinctively, he dips his head and leans into the cuddles. He looks up and sees Patrick smiling at him. “What?”

“You two just look very cute.”

“That’s just how we look. But also, I cannot set her down, so you will be responsible for the rest of the closing duties.”

“Okay, David. I just need to close up the register and then we’re good to go.”

Patrick leads them back into the store and places David’s sweater in his overnight bag before working on closing out the register. David takes to walking the cat around the store and showing off their various products. It only takes Patrick a few minutes before he’s walking up behind David and leading them out of the store. They lock up and head to Patrick’s car with the cat still snuggled up to David’s chest. She’s purring loudly and David keeps absentmindedly scratching behind her ears while Patrick sneaks glances out of the corner of his eyes.

The drive to their house doesn’t take long, and soon enough they’re pulling into the driveway of the two-bedroom home they bought after their wedding. The cat has fallen asleep in David’s arms and he’s trying his hardest to be as still as possible so she doesn’t wake up. 

“Do you want me to open your door for you so you don’t jostle the cat?”

“Ugh, yes, I love you. You’re a godsend.”

Patrick chuckles and gets out of the car before walking around to David’s side and opening his door. David steps out gingerly and the cat just readjusts with him as he moves. Patrick unlocks the front door and leads them inside.

David nudges the cat awake gently before setting her down on the floor. He suddenly realizes that they have nothing to take care of a cat. He turns to Patrick in a panic. “Oh my God, we don’t have any food or a litter box or anything. How are we going to take care of her?”

Patrick looks around and seems to realize the reality of the situation. “Okay, why don’t we call over and see if Miguel can see her tonight and make sure she’s not chipped or anything? Maybe he’ll have an extra litter box or food or something? If not, we can head to the pet store and pick some things up.”

“Yeah, okay, can you go call Miguel? I’ll stay with her,” he says while gesturing to the cat sniffing their kitchen table.

Patrick nods and leaves to call Miguel while David watches the cat sniff around the house. She’s small but curious and David finds himself pulling out his phone to take a picture.

Patrick returns shortly and smiles at David trying to find the perfect lighting for his impromptu photoshoot. “Miguel says he’s still open and can fit her in tonight. We can head over now if you want?”

“Yeah, the sooner the better. Let’s go now.” David reaches down to pick up the cat and she goes willingly. They head back into the car and drive over to Miguel’s.

//

Miguel is able to see them pretty quickly after they arrive and he comes back into the waiting room with the cat in his arms.

“Well, she’s not chipped, so she could be a stray. She’s only a few years old, maybe two or three. I would suggest putting up some posters around town to see if anyone claims her. If nobody calls then I would say she’s all yours. Unless you don’t want her, then I can keep her here and we can try putting her up for adoption.”

David looks towards Patrick and tries to judge his reaction, but he’s just nodding along to what Miguel is saying. He looks over at David and David is trying his hardest to control his face and appear nonchalant, but based on the soft smile Patrick gives him, he knows that his excitement is coming through.

“We’ll take her home, but do you have any cat care tips? We don’t even know what type of food she needs.”

“Of course! Let me go grab some handouts. I’ll be right back,” Miguel says as he hands the cat back over to David. He accepts her with a smile and Miguel heads back towards his office to grab the handouts.

David looks fondly between the cat in his arms and his husband standing next to him. “Should we be thinking about names for her?”

“David, we don’t even know if we can keep her or not yet.”

David frowns. “But she’s so cute and if she belongs to someone else then they clearly are not doing a good job of taking care of her since she was cowering behind our trash cans.”

“We can’t name her unless we keep her. We’ll put some fliers around town like Miguel said and if nobody claims her within a few days then we’ll think of names.”

“She can’t exist without a name, Patrick. How will she know to come when we call?”

“Just call her ‘kitty’ or something simple if you want to call her. But based on the fact that she’s been cuddled in your arms since we found her, I don’t think we’ll have a problem with her straying too far.”

David looks down at the cat again and smiles. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Miguel comes back with a few pamphlets, a small bag of cat food, and a basic litter box. “Okay, so these have some basic information about cat care in them, and since we’re not sure if you will be keeping her or not, here’s enough food for a few days and a litter box. You can just shred up old newspapers or paper in general and place it in the litter box if you don’t want to go out and buy litter tonight. If you do end up keeping her, just bring her back in a week or so and we can do a more thorough check-up.”

They thank Miguel and head back to the car. The drive home is quick and soon enough they’re pulling into their driveway once again. They place the litter box in the bathroom out of the way and place her food and water bowls near the kitchen. David sets the cat down and lets her explore the house, but she stays near him and his heart melts a little bit each time he sees her.

//

They put up signs around town and mentioned to Twyla that they found a cat, but nobody has called to claim her.

“This means we get to keep her now, right?’ David asks on the fourth day that they’ve had her. He’s scratching behind her ears and she’s leaning into the touch and purring loudly.

“Nobody has called and we told Twyla, so obviously everyone knows about the cat, so yeah, I think it’s safe to assume that she’s a stray and we can keep her.”

“Thank fuck. If I had to go one more day without her having a name, I would have lost it.”

“I assume you already have a name in mind?” Patrick asks from the kitchen as he finishes brewing his tea and rolling up his sleeves. David takes a minute to appreciate his husband’s arms because while naming the cat is important, Patrick has really nice arms and he never lets David forget it. “David.”

“What? Oh, yeah, obviously. So first, I was thinking Bastet, like the Egyptian goddess of cats. Plus it sounds kind of like bastard, which is funny.”

“Hmm. I like the idea of naming her after an Egyptian goddess since she’s a sphynx, but what about Cutlet?”

David recoils. “Excuse me? I spend hours thinking of the perfect name for our cat that is meaningful and sounds good, and you offer up _Cutlet_? You want to name our cat after a piece of raw meat?”

Patrick chuckles at David’s outburst. “What? She kinda looks like an uncooked chicken cutlet. In a cute way.”

David flips him off from across the room. “Incorrect. How many more name suggestions do you have that are jokes?”

Patrick hesitates for a second before shrugging. “Most of them are jokes.”

“By all means, let’s hear these name suggestions.”

“First I thought Rat because she kind of looks like a rat.”

“Rude. She’s adorable.”

“Rats can be cute sometimes.”

“A valid counterpoint. What else?”

“I thought about Harry since she doesn’t have any hair and it would be really funny.” David rolls his eyes but gestures for Patrick to keep talking. “I also considered Lil Goblin, but it needed the lil to complete the name. The only actual name I came up with was Sinclair. It felt just pretentious enough for us.”

“While I hated every other suggestion, Sinclair is actually nice.” David pauses for a minute, tilting his head from side to side to get a feel for the name. “Okay, so it’s between Sinclair and Bastet.”

“I like Bastet, especially if it was an Egyptian cat goddess. It fits her.”

David smiles and gives Bastet one last pet. “It really does, doesn’t it?” 

//

Stevie enters Rose Apothecary the next week with a bag hidden behind her body.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have a motel to run?” David asks from the corner of the store where he’s reorganizing products.

“I’m glad you’re still greeting customers with so much enthusiasm. I really thought that would have vanished over the years.”

“What can we do for you, Stevie?” Patrick pipes up from behind the counter. “Are you here for more of that white wine you liked last week?”

“Yes, but also, I thought you might want this,” she says as she pushes the bag towards David.

He accepts it gingerly, holding it out from his body like it’s a bomb. “And this is…?”

“Why don’t you open it and find out?”

Patrick chuckles as he heads to the back to grab the wine for Stevie while David opens the bag to see some sort of bundled up fabric. He looks at Stevie who is managing to look anywhere but at him. Neither of them have gotten much better at expressing their affection towards the other over the years. David pulls the fabric out of the bag and gasps when he opens it up.

“Is this what I think it is?” David asks. Stevie nods, finally looking at David. “Oh my god, Stevie, how did you find something like this?”

Stevie shrugs, trying her hardest to act nonchalant. “You can find anything on Etsy these days.”

Patrick comes out from the back, places the wine for Stevie on the counter, and turns towards David. “What’s that?”

David turns the small sweater towards Patrick so he can see the words on the front. “Stevie got Bastet her own Wild Aloof Rebel sweater.”

“It’s really more of a joke than a real gift,” Stevie rambles. “It’s just getting cold and she doesn’t have any fur and I thought it would be funny if she had the same sweater as you since you have the same temperament.”

David scoffs, but there’s no heat. The tears quickly forming betray him, but he blinks them away quickly. “She’s gonna love this,” he whispers as he folds it lovingly and puts it back in the gift bag.

Stevie clears her throat. “Well I really just came here for the wine, so I’ll just pay for that and be on my way.”

“Oh, you’re going to pay for it this time? This truly is a miracle.”

“David,” Patrick says fondly from the register where he’s already scanned and applied a decent discount to Stevie’s wine.

“What?” David’s voice is high and breathy, but he’s smiling.

Patrick gets Stevie checked out and she rushes out of the store, apparently done expressing emotions for the day (or week). Patrick slides up behind David and peers into the gift bag containing the sweater. “I can’t wait to see you try and put that on Bastet.” He smiles into the space between David’s shoulder blades as he wraps his arms around David’s waist.

“Although this feels like a regular poly-cotton blend, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the thought.”

Patrick hums and cuddles closer to David for another moment before he pulls away to get back to work. David moves to tuck the mini sweater in his overnight bag as he smiles softly.

//

Stevie and Alexis come over later for dinner and Stevie laughs when she sees Bastet in her sweater.

“This is the best thing I have ever spent any money on,” she delights as Bastet walks towards her.

“Oh my god, David, it would be so cute if you like, went and got your sweater so you two could match,” Alexis replies as she claps her hands together.

“That is absolutely not happening,” David retorts but Patrick is looking at him with his big eyes and a slight frown.

“I think you would look _very_ cute if you put on your matching sweater babe”

David rolls his eyes but gives in to the three eager faces looking at him. “Fine, but only for a few minutes and only because I know I look good in that sweater.”

“Oo yay, David, yay!” Alexis claps as she leans back into Stevie on the couch. Stevie has an arm around Alexis and is giving David a shit-eating grin. She’s definitely enjoying this too much.

David leaves Bastet curled on the couch and moves to find his matching sweater in the closet. He finds it fairly quickly and is pulling it over his head when he notices Patrick in the doorway.

“Can I help you, Mr. Rose?”

“Yeah, actually. I was wondering if you’ve seen my husband? He’s the most stunning man you’ll ever see; you can’t miss him.”

David’s heart flutters and he can’t help but step back and tilt his head to the ceiling as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Okay, you really need to stop saying things like that to me because even after nearly five years, I’m not sure I’m used to it.”

Patrick just smiles and steps into David’s orbit, wrapping his arms around David’s waist and pulling him closer. “I also wanted to be the first one to see you in this sweater.”

“Oh?” David breathes out. Patrick kisses him and they both melt into it for a minute until Patrick pulls away to keep talking.

“Yeah, you always look so good in it. I remember the first time you wore it for Jocelyn’s baby sprinkle and you just looked so hot and flustered and you were trying so hard to give Jocelyn a good party even though you really didn’t want to. I just remember wanting to tell you how much I love you but we hadn’t said it yet.”

“I’m going to need you to stop talking before I cry. This was supposed to be a lighthearted night where I don matching sweaters with our cat and get wine drunk and a little handsy before passing out before midnight, but I swear to god, if you make me cry right now I will never forgive you.”

Patrick continues on, unfazed by David’s attempts to be stern. “I couldn’t tell you then, but I wanted to make sure that I told you just how much I love you now. Because you’re the love of my life and you’ve done nothing but make my life better.” Patrick kisses David hard and David could die happily just like this. Patrick pulls away after a while and lands one last soft kiss to David’s cheek before he pulls away. “Come on, David, let’s go find our cat so we can take pictures of you two in your matching sweaters.”

David follows Patrick in a daze, their hands intertwined between them. When they get to the living room, Stevie and Alexis are too busy making out to notice their arrival.

“I leave for five minutes and you two can’t keep your tongues out of each other’s throats?” David harrumphs as he reaches down and picks Bastet off the couch. She curls into his arms willingly.

“As if you weren’t doing the same thing in your room. We all know it doesn’t take you ten minutes to change sweaters,” Stevie replies.

“Okay, but this is my house and my husband, so I can do whatever I want.”

Stevie rolls her eyes. “My girlfriend’s hot, can you blame me?”

“Baaaabe,” Alexis giggles as David pretends to gag.

Patrick decides to break up the Rose siblings before they say anything else and pulls out his phone and points it towards David. David smiles and holds Bastet closer, making sure to work his angles.

Stevie stands and pulls Patrick’s phone from him. “Okay, you get in there loverboy.”

“But I’m not matching?”

“That’s not the point. Just get in the photo with your husband and your cat before I regret everything.”

Patrick moves towards David and Bastet tenses in his arms. David lets out a soft giggle as Patrick wraps his arm around David’s waist and Bastet meows sadly.

“I guess she’s still not a fan of you yet,” David apologizes.

Patrick shakes his head, fighting off a laugh of his own. “At least she really loves you.”

“Maybe she doesn’t like thumbs,” Stevie says and they all burst into a fit of giggles, Patrick included.

David sets Bastet back down on the couch and pulls Patrick close. “Oh well. I like you enough for both of us.” He kisses Patrick quickly and relishes in the warmth and peace radiating throughout his body. He never would have thought he would be the type of person to unironically wear matching sweaters with his cat while his husband takes pictures, but he wouldn’t change a single thing.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: sapphicstories  
> tumblr: patricksdavid


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